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Hold Up!

🎬 I'm NOT your casual movie reviewer!

I don't do plot overviews or safe, spoiler-free summaries. For that stuff, there's Wikipedia.

What I DO: I share my raw, unfiltered experience and thoughts on movies and TV shows. That means MAJOR SPOILERS could hit you in the very first line of any review.

I talk about films the way you'd chat with a friend who's already seen them. No dancing around plot points. No vague hints. Just honest, spoiler-filled conversation.

You've been warned. Now let's have a real talk about movies! 🍿

Autsors (2025)

Plot Summary: In a remote Kamchatka prison in 1996, a young warden carrying out death sentences begins to believe that grieving families deserve the right to personally execute their killers. What starts as a moral conviction quickly becomes a dangerous and profitable scheme. Based on: «The Daughter of a Military Pensioner» by Denis Dragunsky Director: Dusan Gligorov Screenwriter: Anna Kozlova Composer: Sergey Kashirin Starring: Ivan Yankovsky as Konstantin (Kostya) Volkov Eldar Kalimulin as Alexander Rybkin (Sasha) Danil Steklov as Roman Savelyev (Roma) Dmitry Sumin as Andrey Valentinovich Mikhailov Leonid Telezhinsky as Pyotr Alekseevich Kulakov Mila Ershova as Natasha Daria Savelyeva as Yulia Karina Alexandrova as Katya Dasha Kotreleva as Nina Jump to the Full Episode Guide   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ A Cold Landscape Full...
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Cocorico (2024)

Plot Summary: A proudly French family takes a DNA ancestry test expecting to confirm their pure Gallic roots. The results, predictably, are a disaster, and the film proceeds to mine every stereotype it can find. Director: Julien Hervé Writer: Julien Hervé Music: Matei Bratescot Starring: Christian Clavier as Frédéric Bouvier Sauvage Didier Bourdon as Gérard Martin Sylvie Testud as Nicole Martin Marianne Denicourt as Catherine Bouvier Sauvage   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ DNA Results & French Ignorance I recently did a DNA test and found out I'm 70% Portuguese, 15% Spanish, and 15% North African. During a mini-vacation in Ferreira do Zêzere last week, this came up with my cousin Catarina. She mentioned Cocorico and specifically the scene where Marianne Denicourt's character faints after discovering she's 20% Portuguese. Apparently, being Portuguese in this...
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Kidnapped: Elizabeth Smart (2026)

Plot Summary: In June 2002, fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her Salt Lake City bedroom at knifepoint by self-proclaimed prophet Brian David Mitchell and his wife Wanda Barzee. Held captive and repeatedly assaulted for nine months, Elizabeth was finally recognized and rescued in March 2003. This documentary chronicles the kidnapping, the botched investigation, the Richard Ricci detour, and Elizabeth's extraordinary road to becoming a survivor and advocate. Director: Benedict Sanderson Platform: Netflix Genre: Documentary / True Crime Year: 2026 Featured: Elizabeth Smart as herself Ed Smart as himself (Elizabeth's father) Brian David Mitchell (subject) Wanda Barzee (subject)   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ A Powerful Survivor Trapped in a Draggy Documentary So I decided it was time to watch a documentary since it's been a while sin...
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The Kitchen in Paris (2014)

Plot Summary: The beloved team from Moscow's Claude Monet restaurant is thrust into a high-stakes mission: cook a state dinner for two presidents. What follows is a parade of mishaps, personal dramas, and shenanigans abroad, best appreciated by those already deeply invested in the characters from the TV series. Russian Title: Кухня в Париже (Kukhnya v Parizhe) Director: Dmitriy Dyachenko Writers: Dmitriy Yan, Vasiliy Kutsenko, Pavel Danilov, Igor Tudvasev Based on: Kitchen (TV series) by Dmitriy Dyachenko, Zhora Kryzhovnikov and Anton Fedotov Starring: Dmitry Nazarov as Viktor Barinov, the head chef Mark Bogatyryov as Maxim "Max" Lavrov, a cook Yelena Podkaminskaya as Viktoria "Vika" Goncharova, the restaurant's director Dmitry Nagiyev as himself, the owner of both restaurants Oleg Tabakov as Petr Barinov, Viktor's father and head chef of the restau...
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The Idiots (1998)

Plot Summary: A group of able-bodied adults living in a commune on the outskirts of Copenhagen spend their days pretending to be mentally disabled in public, a practice they call "spazzing." When a quiet, reserved woman named Karen wanders into their world, the group's provocations begin to unravel into something far more raw and devastating. Danish Title: Idioterne Director: Lars von Trier (uncredited; under Dogme 95 rules) Writer: Lars von Trier Producer: Vibeke Windeløv Starring: Bodil Jørgensen as Karen Jens Albinus as Stoffer Anne Louise Hassing as Susanne Troels Lyby as Henrik Nikolaj Lie Kaas as Jeppe Louise Mieritz as Josephine Henrik Prip as Ped   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ Diving into the Dogma (and the Depravity) Hello dear reader! Today I found some time to write a review on last night's movie, The Idiots (1998...
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