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Hold Up!

🎬 I'm NOT your casual movie reviewer!

I don't do plot overviews or safe, spoiler-free summaries. For that stuff, there's Wikipedia.

What I DO: I share my raw, unfiltered experience and thoughts on movies and TV shows. That means MAJOR SPOILERS could hit you in the very first line of any review.

I talk about films the way you'd chat with a friend who's already seen them. No dancing around plot points. No vague hints. Just honest, spoiler-filled conversation.

You've been warned. Now let's have a real talk about movies! 🍿

Week 18 announcement

Weekly Theme Announcement Welcome to Our 18th Week: Kathryn Bigelow Week Hello gente bonita! The themed weeks are officially back, chosen by our trusty old jar and its little paper raffles. And making her return alongside me this week is our guest reviewer Krasnaya , here to watch and argue about every single film. Just like old times. For Week 18, we went back to the jar and unravelled a name that had been waiting in there for a while: Kathryn Bigelow . I remember writing that name down because of a film she directed that I absolutely love, Near Dark . You can read the full review here . Krasnaya , for the record, absolutely hated it. And yes, there goes my self-imposed ban on American cinema, straight out the window. Kathryn Ann Bigelow (born November 27, 1951) is an American filmmaker celebrated for her intense, visually striking work in the action, thriller, and war genres. She began her creative life as a painter, studying at the San Francisco Art Ins...
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Kidnapped: Elizabeth Smart (2026)

Plot Summary: In June 2002, fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her Salt Lake City bedroom at knifepoint by self-proclaimed prophet Brian David Mitchell and his wife Wanda Barzee. Held captive and repeatedly assaulted for nine months, Elizabeth was finally recognized and rescued in March 2003. This documentary chronicles the kidnapping, the botched investigation, the Richard Ricci detour, and Elizabeth's extraordinary road to becoming a survivor and advocate. Director: Benedict Sanderson Platform: Netflix Genre: Documentary / True Crime Year: 2026 Featured: Elizabeth Smart as herself Ed Smart as himself (Elizabeth's father) Brian David Mitchell (subject) Wanda Barzee (subject)   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ A Powerful Survivor Trapped in a Draggy Documentary So I decided it was time to watch a documentary since it's been a while sin...
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The Kitchen in Paris (2014)

Plot Summary: The beloved team from Moscow's Claude Monet restaurant is thrust into a high-stakes mission: cook a state dinner for two presidents. What follows is a parade of mishaps, personal dramas, and shenanigans abroad, best appreciated by those already deeply invested in the characters from the TV series. Russian Title: Кухня в Париже (Kukhnya v Parizhe) Director: Dmitriy Dyachenko Writers: Dmitriy Yan, Vasiliy Kutsenko, Pavel Danilov, Igor Tudvasev Based on: Kitchen (TV series) by Dmitriy Dyachenko, Zhora Kryzhovnikov and Anton Fedotov Starring: Dmitry Nazarov as Viktor Barinov, the head chef Mark Bogatyryov as Maxim "Max" Lavrov, a cook Yelena Podkaminskaya as Viktoria "Vika" Goncharova, the restaurant's director Dmitry Nagiyev as himself, the owner of both restaurants Oleg Tabakov as Petr Barinov, Viktor's father and head chef of the restau...
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The Idiots (1998)

Plot Summary: A group of able-bodied adults living in a commune on the outskirts of Copenhagen spend their days pretending to be mentally disabled in public, a practice they call "spazzing." When a quiet, reserved woman named Karen wanders into their world, the group's provocations begin to unravel into something far more raw and devastating. Danish Title: Idioterne Director: Lars von Trier (uncredited; under Dogme 95 rules) Writer: Lars von Trier Producer: Vibeke Windeløv Starring: Bodil Jørgensen as Karen Jens Albinus as Stoffer Anne Louise Hassing as Susanne Troels Lyby as Henrik Nikolaj Lie Kaas as Jeppe Louise Mieritz as Josephine Henrik Prip as Ped   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ Diving into the Dogma (and the Depravity) Hello dear reader! Today I found some time to write a review on last night's movie, The Idiots (1998...
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The Celebration (1998)

Plot Summary: A wealthy Danish patriarch gathers his family at his remote country hotel to celebrate his 60th birthday. His eldest son, Christian, uses the celebratory toast to drop a bomb: a public accusation of childhood sexual abuse. The family proceeds to completely implode. Danish Title: Festen Director: Thomas Vinterberg (uncredited, per the rules of Dogme 95) Writers: Thomas Vinterberg, Mogens Rukov Cinematography: Anthony Dod Mantle Editing: Valdís Óskarsdóttir Music: Lars Bo Jensen Starring: Ulrich Thomsen as Christian Klingenfeldt-Hansen Henning Moritzen as Helge, Christian's father Thomas Bo Larsen as Michael, Christian's brother Paprika Steen as Helene, Christian's sister Birthe Neumann as Else, Christian's mother Trine Dyrholm as Pia, the waiter close to Christian   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ A 9...
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Sentimental Value (2025)

Plot Summary: A film director wants to make a movie. His family has feelings about it. Two hours and thirteen minutes pass. Acclaimed by everyone except me. Norwegian Title: Affeksjonsverdi Director: Joachim Trier Writers: Eskil Vogt, Joachim Trier Producers: Maria Ekerhovd, Andrea Berentsen Ottmar Cinematography: Kasper Tuxen Editing: Olivier Bugge Coutté Music: Hania Rani Starring: Renate Reinsve as Nora Borg Stellan Skarsgård as Gustav Borg Inga Ibsdotter Lilleaas as Agnes Borg Pettersen Elle Fanning as Rachel Kemp Anders Danielsen Lie as Jakob Jesper Christensen as Michael   ⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️ A Universally Acclaimed Snoozefest Today I bring you the movie... let me check my notes again. Ah, right: Sentimental Value. What a boooooring movie. That's it, thank you for reading. But seriously, le...
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