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🎬 I'm NOT your casual movie reviewer!

I don't do plot overviews or safe, spoiler-free summaries. For that stuff, there's Wikipedia.

What I DO: I share my raw, unfiltered experience and thoughts on movies and TV shows. That means MAJOR SPOILERS could hit you in the very first line of any review.

I talk about films the way you'd chat with a friend who's already seen them. No dancing around plot points. No vague hints. Just honest, spoiler-filled conversation.

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Arthur and the Invisibles (2006)

Arthur and the Invisibles (2006) movie poster featuring Freddie Highmore in Luc Besson's fantasy adventure

Director: Luc Besson
Producers: Luc Besson, Emmanuel PrΓ©vost
Screenplay: Luc Besson

Starring:
Freddie Highmore as Arthur
Mia Farrow as Granny
Madonna as Princess Selenia (voice)
David Bowie as Emperor Maltazard (voice)
Snoop Dogg as Max (voice)
Jimmy Fallon as Betameche (voice)
Robert De Niro as King (voice)
Harvey Keitel as Miro (voice)

Music: Γ‰ric Serra
Cinematography: Thierry Arbogast
Editing: Yann HervΓ©
Release Date: December 13, 2006 (France)
Running Time: 94 minutes
Language: English
 Freddy's Movie Review
***SPOILER ALERT***

The Animated Disaster


Here we have it. 2006 was the year Luc Besson decided he needed to make an animation, and for god knows why. This movie is boring AF AF AF AF! I was shouting at my TV like a madman at how bad this movie is, begging for a Viking looking angel like Angela to save me from this torture. The lipsync is off, the characters are earth-tone boring, and I hate Madonna. Every attempt at comedy is a failure. The voice acting is awful, and the dialogue is the same crap you've heard in a million other movies. The animations look weird as hell. It's 2006, and we already had beautiful looking animation movies for a long time now. I'm really shocked at how bad this movie is, and my sympathy for Luc Besson has diminished after this. I was even willing to overlook the idea that this guy was attracted to minors, but this movie, ugh this movie! Please, kill me.


Story and Characters: A Total Mess


The story is a mess without any originality whatsoever. The pacing is all wrong and makes no sense. I was getting cross-eyed during the boring battle scene. I didn't feel any sympathy for the characters, except maybe that little mouse or whatever at the end. Milo, I think it was his name. I'm not even going to bother to check. There was a really inappropriate scene for kids with Snoop Dogg where he offers them some weird drink. Really bad message for kids! Do not let your children watch this piece of bullshit movie. Everything just sucks, man. And where the hell was this family living?! In Africa?! Oh, and I just remembered that final scene where the guy from whatever company steals the precious stones out of greed. What the fucking flying dingo!? I felt like vomiting all over my couch and my cat that was sleeping next to me.


Bury It Deep in the Garden


I absolutely hate this movie. Not a single shot is worth my time or the time of any child on this earth. There are so many good animated movies out there. I want this one buried deep underground in the land of the mini-no-nos! I'm not even touching those two follow-up movies. I would have to be mad and a masochist. Seriously, were Luc and his pals watching the premiere of this movie and thinking it looked great?! That might only be plausible because this guy was hanging around little kids! I can't even talk about this anymore. Everything is wrong! I hope Luc Besson started experimenting with new drugs after the Minimoys trilogy and got a clearer and more focused direction because this was a very bad experiment. If I had watched this on the big screen back then, I would have demanded my money back to prevent what ended up happening. Luc Besson ends up being that guy in the end with the gun coming to take all of your money.


πŸŽ₯ Cinematography (1/10):

"Enter a bad guy! Use that same low-angle shot used for the past 100 years in cinema history!"

πŸ“– Story (0/10):

Boring, Boring, Boring.

🎬 Direction (0/10):

A total disappointment. 

πŸ‘₯ Characters (1/10):

1 point for Milo. He was cute with his little watch and miopia.

πŸ’₯ Visual Effects (3/10):

Okay, sometimes the images looked good. Sometimes.

🎭 Acting (2/10):

I'm proceeding to imitate Arthur's mother fainting here.

πŸ’¬ Dialogue (0/10):

David Bowie shouts: "Bingo!"

🌍 Setting/Atmosphere (1/10):

So, let me get this straight. There's an entire fucking civilization living in your front garden, but nobody notices it. You need to bring in five tribal African men to pass you through a telescope. Just do me a Mortal Kombat fatality right now as I think about this, please!

🎡 Music (1/10):

Whatever. Γ‰ric Serra at his worst. 1 point because I like the Ricky Nelson version of the song Lonesome Town.

πŸ˜„ Entertainment Value (0/10):

There's no entertainment, there is only pain.

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