Skip to main content
⚠️

Hold Up!

🎬 I'm NOT your casual movie reviewer!

I don't do plot overviews or safe, spoiler-free summaries. For that stuff, there's Wikipedia.

What I DO: I share my raw, unfiltered experience and thoughts on movies and TV shows. That means MAJOR SPOILERS could hit you in the very first line of any review.

I talk about films the way you'd chat with a friend who's already seen them. No dancing around plot points. No vague hints. Just honest, spoiler-filled conversation.

You've been warned. Now let's have a real talk about movies! 🍿

Gunslingers (2025)

An atmospheric promotional image for the Western film Gunslingers (2025), featuring three of the main actors posed dramatically against a dark, rustic wood background with a warm, spotlight effect. From left to right: Stephen Dorff wearing a wide-brimmed cowboy hat, a long dark coat, and holding a rifle ready; Nicolas Cage in the center, looking intensely at the viewer while wearing a black suit, black scarf, and a distinctive black bowler hat, clutching a rifle across his chest; and Heather Graham on the right, wearing a black wide-brimmed hat and a light, rustic shawl over a simple top, standing with one hand on her hip.

Plot Summary: In 1903 New York, a former gunslinger who has sworn off violence gets pulled back into a world of crime and betrayal when family secrets and old enemies resurface.

Director: Brian Skiba
Screenplay: Brian Skiba
Producers: Randall Batinkoff, Brian Skiba, Laurie Love, Scott Reed
Cinematography: Patrice Lucien Cochet
Music: Richard Patrick

Starring:
Nicolas Cage as Ben
Stephen Dorff as Thomas Keller
Heather Graham as Val
Scarlet Rose Stallone as Bella
Tzi Ma as Lin
Jeremy Kent Jackson as Robert Keller
Costas Mandylor as Jericho
 A header image for a movie review from "Freddy's Movie Review." On the left is a blue-tinted photo of the blog's author, Freddy, smiling while wearing sunglasses and giving a thumbs-up. The text "freddy's movie review" is on the right.
***SPOILER ALERT***

An AI-Generated Mess


The first thing that hits you when Gunslingers starts is an AI slop rendition of New York in 1903. Oh boy, I thought, we're off to a great start. The film then throws this bizarre mix at you: amateur-looking shots that seem filmed on a smartphone are intercut with genuinely good cinematography, creating a really weird visual clash. I went into this knowing nothing except that Nic Cage was in it, and I just wanted some classic Cage for the night. Initially, the storytelling seemed intriguing, like it was actually going somewhere. But then our veteran actors show up, and their performances are just laugh-out-loud over the top. It sometimes feels intentional, but you quickly realize it's absolutely not.

Watch Heather Graham's awful acting as she takes a bullet out of her own leg in the clip below. I'm sorry, Heather, I do still like you.

Cringe Cage and B-Movie Vibes


The music choices cement the film's B-movie feel. The soundtrack is just so f***ing stupid, overly dramatic tracks are constantly and abruptly shoved in, completely missing the vibe of the scenes. I have a strong feeling the music was generated by AI, too. The whole movie is childish, totally predictable, and tries way too hard to be cool. The biggest anticipation it manages to build is waiting for Nicolas Cage's cringy character to finally drop his "God doesn't want me to use weapons" promise and start shooting people. That, and waiting for the movie to end, of course. Cage is just really cringe here, and you can tell the director, Brian Skiba, just loves pointing the camera at him in completely useless moments simply because he's Nic Cage. I don't blame him, Cage is the only reason I watched this crap, but man, focus on making a movie!

Below you can see the part where Nic Cage delivers the line, "This here is an interesting book. Is Bible." Wtf was that, really? πŸ˜‚

A Waste of Talent and Time


The story is bland and brings nothing new to the table; I'm half-convinced ChatGPT wrote it. The worst part is that Brian Skiba tries to keep it "interesting" by using cheap soap opera techniques. You get all the classic family intrigue tropes like, "Oh gosh, he is his brother!" and "Oh no, that's not his daughter!" It's stupid AF. Stephen Dorff and Randall Batinkoff are the only two actors who manage to do something good here, but this movie was a terrible career choice and a complete waste of their efforts. After a brief visit to Brian Skiba's IMDb profile, I've officially added him to Freddy's blacklist; all his movies have terrible ratings. How this guy hasn't given up yet baffles me. I'm all for people pursuing their dreams, as I said in my previous review for The New King of Comedy, but this guy needs to surround himself with people who aren't afraid to criticize his work and who actually understand good cinema. Life is too short to waste on his stuff. I'm giving it an extra point just for Stallone's daughter, Scarlet. She is gorgeous.

For the last clip, watch the ultra-lame scene where the "boys" get their guns back. This is the prime example of the movie's terrible logic and even worse music choices.

A moody, low-light meme image featuring a man sleeping soundly on his back in a messy, dark room. The man is covered by gray bedding, illuminated by a beam of sunlight coming from the window on the left. Overlaid on the image in a large, playful blue font are the words, "God, help me unwatch it..." followed by a smaller text box at the bottom that reads, "final score: 7/100".

🎬 You Might Also Enjoy:

➤ Night Always Come (2025) Another disappointing 2025 release with confusing character motivations and frustrating storytelling
➤ Best Action Movies List Skip this mess and check out our curated list of actually good action films
➤ The New King of Comedy (2019) Referenced in this review - a much better film about pursuing your dreams with actual heart and talent
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

🎬 Join the CineIt Movie Club!

Get exclusive reviews and recommendations delivered straight to your inbox. Never miss a great movie again!

🍿

Support CineIt

Enjoy my rants?
Help keep the popcorn flowing!

Buy Me Some Popcorn

Popular posts from this blog

Kpop Demon Hunters (2025)

Plot Summary: Three talented young K-pop trainees discover they have supernatural abilities to battle ancient demons lurking in modern-day Korea. They must balance their demanding training for a much-anticipated debut with their secret mission to protect the world. Directors: Maggie Kang, Chris Appelhans Screenplay: Danya Jimenez, Hannah McMechan, Maggie Kang, Chris Appelhans Producer: Michelle Wong Music: Marcelo Zarvos Starring: Arden Cho as Rumi May Hong as Mira Ji-young Yoo as Zoey Ahn Hyo-seop as Jinu Yunjin Kim as Celine Ken Jeong as Bobby Lee Byung-hun as Gwi-Ma   ***SPOILER ALERT*** Peer Pressure & Pleasant Surprises My daughter came home from school the other day looking like she'd been left out of the cool kids' club because she was the only one who hadn't seen Kpop Demon Hunters. I knew right then my Satur...
2 comments
Click to read

La Mante (2017)

Plot Summary: Twenty-five years after being imprisoned, Jeanne Deber, a notorious serial killer known as "The Mantis," offers to help the police catch a copycat killer, but only if she can work with her estranged son, who is now a police officer. Director: Alexandre Laurent Writers: Alice Chegaray-Breugnot, Nicolas Jean, GrΓ©goire Demaison, Laurent Vivier Music: FranΓ§ois Lietout Starring: Carole Bouquet as Jeanne Deber / The Mantis Fred Testot as Damien Carrot Jaques Weber as Charles Carrot Pascal Demolon as Dominique Feracci Manon Azem as Lucie Carrot Serge Riaboukine as Crozet Robinson Stevenin as Alex Crozet FredΓ©rique Bel as Virginie Delorme Jump to the Plot Explained Section   ***SPOILER ALERT*** A Boring, Wannabe Hannibal Lecter This is officially the first TV series review I'm doing here at Cine It. I'm no...
Post a Comment
Click to read

The Institute (2025)

Plot Summary: Based on Stephen King's novel, The Institute follows Luke Ellis and other kidnapped children with psychic abilities who are held captive in a sinister facility where they're subjected to brutal experiments and torture to harness their powers. Based on: The Institute by Stephen King Developed by: Benjamin Cavell Executive Producers: Jack Bender, Benjamin Cavell, Gary Barber, Sam Sheridan, Shane Elrod, Ed Redlich, Stephen King Episodes: 8 episodes (Season 1) Release Date: July 13, 2025 - August 24, 2025 (MGM+) Starring: Ben Barnes as Tim Jamieson Joe Freeman as Luke Ellis Simone Miller as Kalisha Fionn Laird as Nick Hannah Galway as Wendy Gullickson Julian Richings as Stackhouse Robert Joy as Dr. Daniel Hendricks Martin Roach as Chief Ashworth Mary-Louise Parker as Ms. Sigsby Jason Diaz as Tony Season 1 Ep...
Post a Comment
Click to read

Sonatine (1993)

Sonatine is a 1993 Japanese yakuza film directed, written and edited by Takeshi Kitano, who also stars in the film. It won numerous awards and became one of Kitano's most successful and praised films, garnering him a sizable international fan base. The title Sonatine comes from the musical term sonatina. Kitano said that when learning the piano, when the learner gets to sonatinas they have to decide where they want to go, whether it is to classical, jazz or popular music; marking the point of crucial decision making. This refers to the character Murakawa in the film. source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kids_Return Several yakuza from Tokyo are sent to Okinawa to help end a gang war. The war then escalates and the Tokyo drifters decide to lay low at the beach. source: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108188/ ***SPOILER ALERT*** K: So, the list of Kitano films we watched continues to grow. This time we had an absolutely amazing picture - Sona...
Post a Comment
Click to read

Moana (2016)

Moana is a 2016 American computer-animated musical adventure film produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios. It was directed by John Musker and Ron Clements, co-directed by Chris Williams and Don Hall, and produced by Osnat Shurer, with a screenplay written by Jared Bush, and a story by Musker, Clements, Williams, Hall, Pamela Ribon, and the writing team of Aaron and Jordan Kandell. The film introduces AuliΚ»i Cravalho as Moana and also features the voices of Dwayne Johnson, Rachel House, Temuera Morrison, Jemaine Clement, Nicole Scherzinger, and Alan Tudyk. The film features original songs written by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Opetaia Foa'i and Mark Mancina, and an orchestral score also composed by Mancina. source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moana_(2016_film) In Ancient Polynesia, when a terrible curse incurred by the Demigod Maui reaches Moana's island, she answers the Ocean's call to seek out the Demigod to set things right. source: https://www.imdb...
Post a Comment
Click to read