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🎬 I'm NOT your casual movie reviewer!

I don't do plot overviews or safe, spoiler-free summaries. For that stuff, there's Wikipedia.

What I DO: I share my raw, unfiltered experience and thoughts on movies and TV shows. That means MAJOR SPOILERS could hit you in the very first line of any review.

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The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec (2010)

The Extraordinary Adventures of Adele Blanc-Sec (2010) movie poster featuring Louise Bourgoin

Director: Luc Besson
Producer: Luc Besson
Screenplay: Luc Besson

Starring:
Louise Bourgoin as Adèle Blanc-Sec
Mathieu Amalric as Dieuleveult
Gilles Lellouche as Inspector Caponi
Jean-Paul Rouve as Justin de Saint-Hubert
Jacky Nercessian as Professor Ménard
Philippe Nahon as Professor Espérandieu
Nicolas Giraud as Andréj Zborowski

Music: Éric Serra
Cinematography: Thierry Arbogast
Editing: Julien Rey
Release Date: April 14, 2010 (France)
Running Time: 107 minutes
Language: French
 Freddy's Movie Review
***SPOILER ALERT***

What the fuck, Besson?


13th movie by Luc Besson and I ask: what the fuck Besson? What has happened to this director since "Arthur and the Mini Vomits"? Another uninspiring and totally boring movie. I ordered some food 40 minutes in just to bring some happiness to my existence. Luc should be ashamed of this because it disrespects the author of the comic books, Jacques Tardi, by making me lose any curiosity in getting to know the comic books. Movies and adaptations are meant to do exactly the opposite! I don't feel like looking at one of these comic books ever after watching this terrible mess of a movie. Major pacing problems, no build-up to the characters or story, and sometimes I even get confused about what the fuck is happening because 1. I'm bored out of my mind or 2. The editing and sequence of the scenes is just terrible. Bad, bad, bad storytelling. And that CGI of Adèle on top of the pterodactyl?! So goddamn ugly. That one scene sums up the whole feel of the movie. The attempts at comedy are horrible once again, and I'm speechless at how any cinema critic can give this movie a positive word. It just proves that every motherfuckin' critic out there, especially from magazines like Variety, Empire, and whatever, are all bought. No one is telling the truth. No way, José.


A Stupid Story with Stupid Characters


Let me tell you, I'm okay with the absurd, I'm okay with the fantastic, but this story?! It's just so fucking stupid. When they got to the Louvre to awaken the mummies in order to find the pharaoh doctor's mummy to cure the catatonic state of Adèle's sister, I was not even watching it anymore. I was already on my phone looking for hateful reviews on this to get a sense of connection, to feel like I belong somewhere united by this hate for disjointed, depressing things. I'm pissed off. It's been one hour since I watched this movie, and one day since I watched "Arthur," and I don't know what to think of my life now. I feel like giving up on Luc Besson's filmography. Especially because I remember watching "Lucy" and not being impressed, and I remember watching "The Family" and thinking that De Niro sucked. So, I'm afraid that I will end up smashing my TV or some of my furniture, because when I hate, I hate with a passion. I'm thinking happy thoughts now, "Le Grand Bleu," happy thoughts... "Léon: The Professional"... (long breath out). Ok, so what's good about this movie? Maybe the former weather girl for "Le Grand Journal," Louise Bourgoin, because she's cute to look at and early 20th-century Paris setting, that's about it.


Is It for Adults or Kids?


I don't even understand if this movie is intended for an adult audience or children. It reads like a kid's movie. I would love to hear from a true fan of the comic book what they thought of this movie. Please, if you happen to be one, tell me in the comments. Tell me what's wrong with me if it's the case that this movie is amazing and I'm not able to appreciate its beauty and laugh out loud at every costume change that our hero uses to get inside the prison. Please, teach me, or I will rip my eyes out!


🎥 Cinematography (2/10):

Paris was interesting.

📖 Story (0/10):

Disjointed mess.

🎬 Direction (0/10):

Again, a total disappointment.

👥 Characters (0/10):

All boring.

💥 Visual Effects (0/10):

LOL!

🎭 Acting (5/10):

Ok, whatever.

💬 Dialogue (2/10):

At least they speak French!

🌍 Setting/Atmosphere (3/10):

I like the early 20th century Paris.

🎵 Music (1/10):

Who cares? I remember some stupid drastic changes of tone that sounded awful.

😄 Entertainment Value (0/10):

This is plain torture.

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