CJ7 (2008)

Plot Summary: A poor construction worker and his young son struggle to make ends meet in a cramped, crumbling house. When the boy discovers a mysterious alien creature from a trash heap, he names it CJ7 and hopes it will grant him superpowers, instead he gets a poop machine gun and a broken heart.

Chinese Title: 長江7號 (Cháng Jiāng 7 Hào)
Director: Stephen Chow
Writers: Stephen Chow, Vincent Kok, Tsang Kan-Cheong, Sandy Shaw Lai-King, Fung Chi-Keung, Lam Fung
Producers: Stephen Chow, Han Sanping, Po-Chu Chui
Cinematography: Poon Hang-Sang
Music: Raymond Wong Ying-Wah

Starring:
Stephen Chow as Ti
Xu Jiao as Dicky
Zhang Yuqi as Ms. Yuen
Lam Chi-chung as Ti's Construction Boss
Jiro Lee as Mr. Cao

 

⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️

A Traumatic Trip Down Memory Lane

I only have two more Stephen Chow movies left to watch to complete his filmography, and this time, I think I got a seriously bad apple. I have to start my review of this 2008 sci-fi flick, CJ7, with one major question: why did everyone have to be so damn cruel to CJ7?! We get this super cute alien dog, and within five minutes of someone interacting with it, they decide to violently abuse the poor little creature! I honestly didn't get this cruel creativity from the writers.

From what I've read, this movie serves as an autobiographical exploration of Stephen Chow's own childhood traumas and the economic anxieties of growing up in a single-parent household. Chow lacked a traditional paternal figure after his parents separated during his youth. That uncomfortable toy store scene where Dicky gets a spanking? That was drawn from a real experience. Chow vividly recounted to the press a public quarrel between his parents precipitated by his relentless demand for a toy they simply could not afford. The incident escalated, resulting in Chow being physically beaten by his parents for throwing a public tantrum.

Watch this heartbreaking little moment between the father and son below.

Missing the Magic and Poop Machine Guns

So far, this is the only movie I've seen of his with a near-total absence of Chow's signature mo lei tau (nonsense) rapid-fire dialogue, which leaves long-time devotees of his work scratching their heads. Honestly, I was about to turn the movie off during the scenes where our hero starts to use those alien-made tools. It was going in a really awful, over-the-top direction, but fortunately, I realized it was just a way-too-long dream sequence. I kept going, but the movie didn't get any better. Instead of extraordinary gadgets constructed by our little alien companion, we get some low-brow humor where the only thing the alien can invent is... poop. Its ass literally works like a poop machine gun. So stupid.

One thing that did surprise me about this movie is that the main character, Dicky, is actually played by an actress — Xu Jiao. Her performance was genuinely really good and earned her the prestigious Hong Kong Film Award for Best New Performer, as well as the Hong Kong Film Directors Guild Award. This challenging role successfully launched her acting career, leading to future prominent, critically acclaimed roles in films like Starry Starry Night (2011) and the VFX-heavy Mr. Go (2013).

Here is a look at the dream sequence with one of the a lien gadgets that almost made me turn the movie off.

A Confused Family Film That Misses the Mark

The biggest fault in this movie, IMO, is that CJ7 feels entirely secondary. It seems like the alien doesn't matter all that much to the plot; it's just there to fix a broken fan and resuscitate the father. There's absolutely nothing interesting about this alien or what it does, and its powers are not explored in a fun or creative way. The movie clearly aims at a younger family audience, but I wouldn't dare show this to my 8-year-old daughter. There is a very scary scene with a hanging woman, lots of violence towards CJ7, and the father's brief death is incredibly heavy.

The movie tried way too hard to pull at my heartstrings, and the recurring phrase, "we don't steal, we don't fight, and we don't lie," just became preachy and unauthentic. What I actually enjoyed most from this movie was the bully kid and his minions. Those kids just looked really funny, walking around like miniature versions of grown-ups. I should mention that I watched the English dubbed version of the movie, which might have had a negative impact on my viewing experience. Either way, this movie occupies the very bottom of my list of Chow's films, and I really don't recommend it.

Check out the scene where the bullies finally become friends with Dicky and the giant girl below.

Freddy's Final Rating

25

A cute alien everyone abuses, no mo lei tau, a poop machine gun, and enough preachy earnestness to put you off Chow's filmography entirely

🎬 You Might Also Enjoy:

Kung Fu Hustle (2004)
Everything CJ7 tries to be emotionally, but with Chow's mo lei tau fully intact and CGI that actually serves the story.

Shaolin Soccer (2001)
The classic, feel-good story about misfits finding their purpose.

From Beijing with Love (1994)
If you want Chow at his most anarchic and hilarious, gadgets that do the wrong job and a man named Smelling C**t.