Plot Summary: A young dinosaur with possible psychic powers dreams of becoming a champion racer while helping his father's ice cream business. With the help of a gang of heroic ducks and some seriously questionable animation choices, he enters a death-defying race that's about as coherent as it sounds.
Chinese Title: 恐龙飞车 (Konglong Feiche - "Dinosaur Racing")
Directors: Zhu Guo-Yang, Ding Zhuo-Qun
Writers: Cen Guo-Guang, Jin Xiao-Min
Producers: Ding Zhuo-Qun, Lin Qi, Liang De-Si
Music: Liu Fei-Fei
Starring:
Li Hui-Xian as Sloan
Si Xi as Onion (the Girlfriend)
Jialin Ye as Dago (the Father)
Luo Ji-Shang as Scar
⚠️ SPOILER ALERT ⚠️
Back in the Saddle with PS2-Era Dinosaurs
Hello everyone, I'm finally back after a little three-month hiatus! I've been way too busy playing around with my new toy-a Pico VR headset—and drowning in work. I've also been building a website dedicated to teaching Russian through music for Portuguese speakers like myself (you can visit it at musicarussa.com). Because of that, I decided to put a pause on all side projects, but I'm coming back to my movie blog because I've been missing it really hard. Plus, now I can watch movies with my VR headset, which is just pure cinema!
However, this Saturday, with the kids at home, I chose something to watch together on the living room TV. And what is better than a super niche Chinese animation about a dinosaur with the power to see the future (at least that's what I think his superpower was, I'm still in doubt) who wants to win some big, important, death-defying car race? This is the animated feature Crazy Racing (Chinese: 恐龙飞车; pinyin: Konglong Feiche; literally "Dinosaur Racing"). I had this "gem" sitting in my library, and what can I say? Is it one of those cases where it is soooo bad that it's good? Maybe, if you are in a really forgiving mood. This movie is so f**king random, weird, and... talkative. Way too talkative for an action-racing animation! The graphics look straight out of 2001 or a PlayStation 2 video game. That's not necessarily a bad thing for me; it was kind of nostalgic 🤣, especially during the fire and explosion parts. It has that retro CGI charm.
Check out the clip below where our dino hero saves a little child and you can see the magnificent explosions.
Lost in Translation and Saved by Ducks
The story of the movie is as cookie-cutter as it gets. Sloan is a "speedster" trapped in a slow life. He helps with the family ice cream business but dreams of the track. His character arc is the standard underdog-to-champion trajectory. He represents the modern youth desiring individuality rebelling against the "traditional" father who demands conformity and safety. Of course, the kid goes into racing anyway and wins, with the help of some ducks! Dude, I swear, the duck scene is just so silly that it made me like this movie for that alone. It's incredibly stupid and adorable at the same time.
It was also my daughter's favorite moment; she especially cheered when the ducks stole the bolts from the bad guy's car to make him lose. She's an unconditional fan of Untitled Goose Game, so she was definitely having flashbacks of delightful bird mischievousness. She's really obsessed with that goose, I'm telling you. Getting through this movie was a chore, though. In order to watch it, I actually had to transcribe the Chinese audio and then generate an English translation because there were zero subtitles available online for this! Because of that, the translation doesn't make much sense sometimes, which really doesn't help an already crazy, confusing movie. I'm leaving the SRT file below if you wish to download it; it's not that bad, and most of the time it hits the target.
📥 Download English Subtitles (SRT)
I transcribed and translated the Chinese audio myself. The translation hits the target most of the time!
Download Crazy Racing Subtitles
Watch the dramatic scene below where our hero is about to drown in an icy lake, only to be saved by a huge gang of ducks.
Snotty Lollipops and a Generous Verdict
The music and sound design in this movie are also in very poor taste, and there are some reaaaaly weird scenes in this f**king movie. For example, when the kid is trying to sneak out of the house, he attempts to steal his father's ice cream van keys and gets his finger stuck in his sleeping dad's mouth, who then proceeds to suck on it. Deeply uncomfortable! Then there are the bully brothers and an infamous scene with a lollipop... really, just watch it below. There's honestly no need to watch this movie! I think you can find it lurking on Amazon Prime and Apple. My daughter liked it, but what does she know!?
The thing that bothers me the most about this... thing is the constant babbling during the final big race. On the other hand, I think the karma message was positive for my daughter, and I reinforced the idea while watching, saying, "See what happens when you help the little duck cross the street to his mother?" I'm giving it a little credit because I think this is one of those movies that makes such poor creative choices that it's actually fun to watch. So, if you are a Schlock enthusiast, I highly recommend this one! But please, keep it away and hidden from your children.
Prepare yourself and watch the clip below of the kid trying to leave the house, followed by the grossest lollipop swap you'll ever see.
Freddy's Final Rating
19
So bad it's almost good - PS2 graphics, heroic ducks, and deeply uncomfortable scenes
Yes, I know I'm being way too generous with this score. Sue me.
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Shaolin Soccer (2001)
If you want sports movies with actually good CGI from 2001, Stephen Chow has you covered.
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